These days, it does feel like I’m being nicer to myself. It’s not just letting myself change my mind with things that weren’t working out, as I did about running CIM last month. That decision has resulted in some very positive personal changes, including seeing a chiropractor and physical therapist for my physical alignment and well-being, taking a break from running while I heal, and going swimming with my wife. It also set the stage for a truly lovely Holiday, which was very important to me.
These are lovely changes that help me enter the new year with a positive attitude and expectations. Even so, there is a deeper change I am experiencing. Today my wife and myself went out on a Ferry ride with family in the Bay. I enjoyed myself very much. However, as the trip wore on I noticed myself starting to get tired. I started to want to go home. In the past, I likely would have thought I “should” feel more energetic, comparing myself to how I imagined others were and making myself wrong in the process, etc. This time, however, I just… let it be. Without the self-chastisement or resistance. Just something like, “Yeah, I’m kind of tired. I might prefer to feel differently, but I feel how I feel, and I accept that. I sorta do want to go home.”
This is a fundamental shift in my default reaction, especially in certain social situations. I bodes well for me accomplishing something I wrote about wanting for the new year:
I want to let go of old behaviors that come from insecurity, self-doubt, or confusion, especially involving other people. Instead, I want to remain connected to my inner guidance, and to trust the perfection of what I know.Day 173: What I Want This Year
Today I accepted every single outcome that occurred, and every single impulse or thought inside of me. It was a cool experience. Other than getting tired, I enjoyed myself thoroughly the entire time.
It suggests that I am learning to be nicer to myself 🙂