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Day 176: Am I Being Nicer To Myself?

Posted on January 21, 2023

These days, it does feel like I’m being nicer to myself. It’s not just letting myself change my mind with things that weren’t working out, as I did about running CIM last month. That decision has resulted in some very positive personal changes, including seeing a chiropractor and physical therapist for my physical alignment and well-being, taking a break from running while I heal, and going swimming with my wife. It also set the stage for a truly lovely Holiday, which was very important to me.

These are lovely changes that help me enter the new year with a positive attitude and expectations. Even so, there is a deeper change I am experiencing. Today my wife and myself went out on a Ferry ride with family in the Bay. I enjoyed myself very much. However, as the trip wore on I noticed myself starting to get tired. I started to want to go home. In the past, I likely would have thought I “should” feel more energetic, comparing myself to how I imagined others were and making myself wrong in the process, etc. This time, however, I just… let it be. Without the self-chastisement or resistance. Just something like, “Yeah, I’m kind of tired. I might prefer to feel differently, but I feel how I feel, and I accept that. I sorta do want to go home.”

This is a fundamental shift in my default reaction, especially in certain social situations. I bodes well for me accomplishing something I wrote about wanting for the new year:

I want to let go of old behaviors that come from insecurity, self-doubt, or confusion, especially involving other people. Instead, I want to remain connected to my inner guidance, and to trust the perfection of what I know.

Day 173: What I Want This Year

Today I accepted every single outcome that occurred, and every single impulse or thought inside of me. It was a cool experience. Other than getting tired, I enjoyed myself thoroughly the entire time.

It suggests that I am learning to be nicer to myself 🙂

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