Day 153: On the Other Hand…

Yesterday I wrote a rosy post about the benefits of not running CIM. Nothing I wrote there is untrue, yet I would be lying if I said I haven’t been having a tough time of it, especially going into race weekend… you know, without being in the race. I live here in Sacramento, so everywhere I go I am reminded of the marathon, from the street signs about road closures to seeing runners out and about. Even the leaves on the streets now make me think of the race. I am having to deal with my own mind, which has definitely been doing a lot of veering negative.

I have no regret about my decision not to run, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t sadness around it. I wouldn’t say I am surprised about not running CIM. Sure, a week ago I was planning on running the race. There’s been a lot of seesawing going on about my plans. The outcome seems fitting, yet there’s still disappointment, and the pain of missing out.

Sigh. Such is life sometimes. I am still grateful for many things, including being able to chill and relax instead of be pre-occupied with marathon brain. I shall take it easy this weekend. I am even considering taking the weekend off from blogging. I was thinking of doing that anyway back when my plans were to be running CIM. I figured my mind would be too occupied with doing the marathon. Turns out my mind is still preoccupied, even when not doing the marathon. So I’m allowing myself the option of a break.

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