Day 238: My Money Confession

First, a relevant Abraham-Hicks quote:

The reason you have not already gotten what you desire is because you are holding yourself in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of your desire. That is the only reason–ever! And an important thing for you to now understand is that if you will stop and think about it, or, more important, stop and feel about it, you can identify your very discord.”

Ask and It is Given, by Jerry and Esther Hicks, p 15

According to Abraham-Hicks, there are two ways you can tell if your focus is currently on what is wanted or not:

  • how you feel
  • what you are currently experiencing (ie your results or manifestations)

I have been focusing a lot on how my thoughts are feeling. Through this process, I have seen how much of my thinking in certain areas was way off! In other words, I was focused on what I did not want… and attracting a rocky experience accordingly.

I have often written about this indirectly or alluded to it briefly, but up until now I have been reluctant to talk specifically about these areas. I guess I’m finally ready to discuss it.

It turns out that for many years, I was prone to focus on lack of money, specifically in the areas of earning and spending money (ie the money matters that most immediately impact our daily lives). The thing is, I had no idea I was doing this! I thought I was focused on having more money. And while this was sometimes true, I was often focused on lack of money, and I ended up preoccupied by the experiences of struggle, stress, and anxiety that produces.

As I wrote recently, every topic usually has many different sub-topics. When I pulled apart the many areas of my money life, I realized that I was already pleasantly aligned in many areas (investing, money management, and financial education, for example). However, in other areas–namely money earning and money spending–I was chronically focused in the “wrong” direction, that is, on unsatisfying thoughts of lack, fear, or struggle.

Regarding earning money specifically, I tended to freak out and/or blame myself any time something went “wrong.” My mind would typically react in negative, knee-jerk fashion, assaulting me with judgment and negative thoughts. “See? I told you so! It’s always hard!” or “See? I told you, you are an idiot!” Sometimes this would go on for hours, or even days, after an incident. Naturally, I would usually get really depressed as a result, or at least highly frustrated. This got to be so overwhelming a couple of years ago that I basically shut down completely on thoughts of thriving in this area. Instead I was stuck in survival mode.

Needless to say, this sucked 🙁

The story was no less treacherous with spending money. I was prone to freak out and get insecure by any unplanned expenses. I would tend to catastrophize about each unplanned purchase, as if it meant some calamity. I often got anxious, or even panicky, about everyday spending matters. Behind this was a lack of trust in the Universe. “There’s not enough” or, more accurately, “I’m not enough,” was a ticking time-bomb waiting to go off. Again, as long as I was operating inside of this mindset, I was always in survival mode, trying to escape perceived danger, but always seeming to get burned by it.

Needless to say, this also sucked 🙁

The reflecting I have been doing recently makes it abundantly clear how backward my thinking was. As I said, for many years, I handled money with the mistaken impression that I was thinking about having money, about earning more money, and about creating abundance. Yet my thoughts were actually focused on lack of money, failure around money, and stress and struggle. I was trying to create a slice of financial heaven on earth but in fact was living in a financial hell of my own devising.

Believe it or not, this realization makes me very happy right now. By realizing what I was doing to myself, I now get to make a new choice. I can quickly detect when my thoughts are focused on lack. And if that happens, I can stop and say to myself, “Wow, that thought really felt bad. That was totally unsatisfying. I am so glad I don’t have to think that anymore!” Even realizing what I was doing “wrong” helps stop the bad momentum, and sets the stage for a more positive direction.

And then I will just chill and reflect, pleased that I sort of dug out a vibrational gopher in the grass. And this makes me optimistic, because, even if the new more positive thoughts may not have all arrived, I know that I have stopped adding to the old way of thinking.

More and more, I am understanding that this is entirely what goes “wrong” for people! It always seems to be related to your focus on unwanted things! In fact, when you can focus the bulk of your attention on what you desire instead of what you don’t, you’ve got it made!

And if this all seems difficult for you, do not worry. Give it some practice, and just as I am experiencing, once you stop thinking those bad-feeling thoughts, it is a matter of time before the new positive thoughts gain momentum and start giving you a brand new experience, one no doubt filled with love, joy and ease.

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