Day 232: Score for changing my focus!

So this morning I was sitting at the computer, having a relaxed morning sandwiched in between last night’s opening night of the musical and two more performances today. I was having a lackadaisical good time, kind of lazy and relaxed, not really that focused on much, when all of a sudden, I could feel it…

…something rotten this way comes. It welled up in me, an unpleasant, cloying sensation, like mental nausea. It was quite familiar, as it had happened many times before. I knew where it was headed. I knew the routine: the ensuing dissatisfaction and stress. I knew it was gonna try to have its way with me.

If I let it.

I had let it so many times before, it would have been almost too easy just to go down that rotten road once again. In fact, that was my default.

Of course, I’m talking about practiced negative thinking that started to come over me. Yet an interesting thing happened this time that was different than other times. I caught it. In fact, I saw it before it got going too strong to change directions. I stopped it in its tracks!

I said to myself, “Hold on. I want to feel good! This feels like crap! I am not going to indulge in this.” And you know what? I didn’t. I changed direction. It’s like I realized it had its tractor beam set on me, and before the momentum got too strong, I veered sharply to the left and broke away.

Score for changing my focus!

This is an encouraging development. I have been working on this sort of thing for awhile now. Yet often I haven’t stopped the negative thought before it got going. Often, I would look at the effects of the negative thought afterward, like picking up the pieces from the explosion and looking for clues. Yet what happened this morning reminds me that it really is possible to shift one’s thinking, especially if you get conscious before the negative thoughts get going.

I will definitely continue honing my skills in this area.

Today’s score in the ongoing thought vibration experiment:

ME: 1 Bullshitty Negative Thoughts: 0

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