Day 147: Your Child Self Created You as You Are Today

Tonight’s post is about you. It is about your life. What is your life about? Why are you here? What is it you are up to in this life? Do you feel you are being who you want to be? Are you being the person you wanted to be when you were a child? Is this how you imagined you would become?

Many people, most people, can see a link between the vision they had as a child and the person they end up seeing in the mirror as an adult. Because all people are creators, and children or constant, automatic creators who have not learned to limit their own creative abilities. So they are constantly creating themselves based on their vision of who they want to become.

You are the result of this creation. Look at yourself in the mirror now. Think about what you do for a living. Think about your friends, your hobbies, your spouse or significant other. There are qualities in these parts of your life which go back nearly to the beginning of it.

At the same time, are there areas of your life that you did not wish to be as a child? Did you perhaps make choices that you didn’t want? Often times, people end up making choices that other people want them to make, even when it is not true to them. We all know about this. It is the “road not taken,” the dreams that were put on hold, as you “grew up” and “faced the real world.” That real world is really just another way of saying that you rejected your own desires in order to satisfy someone else. There is nothing more real world about this than there would have been if you had done what you wanted to do!

The truth is, even if you did something someone else wanted to do, you still did what you wanted to do. It is just that, if you go against who you are in order to please another, even though that may have been your choice in the moment, it comes at a great cost. There is nothing you can do to make betraying yourself okay. There is no way to pretend or hide the truth. You know when you have done this.

On the other hand, people may feel bad thinking they took the less glamorous route, the safe route, the easy choice. Oftentimes, though, they have taken the path that was best for them, and now they feel guilty about it because they imagine that it seems like it’s “not enough.” In this case, they are more worried about what other people may think than about what they think of their own choices.

Look in the mirror and examine yourself. Not just your physical appearance (although that too), but also, look in your eyes. Ask yourself, “Am I happy with who I am? Is this the person I wanted to be as a child?”

For Chris–the one typing this, but not “same” consciousness he is allowing through to say these words—he likes most of who he is. He is a creative person, he is an accomplished musician, he likes who he works with, he is married to a woman he loves, he is highly athletic, enjoys reading and watching movies, and he expresses himself in many ways including this blog. These are all things he wanted to be as a child!

At the same time, there are new levels of authenticity he is exploring. He is still learning things about asking for what he wants, for example, without feeling guilty when it differs from others. He still sometimes struggles with trying to please other people, even, occasionally, at his own expense. Of course, this is part of his make up as a highly sensitive, highly caring person. There is nothing wrong with any of this! Yet sometimes he worries that he is too soft, too nice, not assertive enough.

Mostly, this is him judging himself. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive, conscientious, and caring. He is happy with his commitments in life. And, there are further levels of him opening up to his desires and allowing them. He writes about this topic in various ways constantly in this blog. In fact, this blog is a great way for him to continually remind himself what he is aiming for: being a great person to others AND to himself always.

Just like Chris, you may still have areas of life where you would like to refine how you relate to yourself. It is not always easy to sort out caring about others from caring about yourself. When is Yes really Yes? When is No appropriate? When is it appropriate to say No, and when is it mean or stingy? How can one feel good about saying No to someone else, when they don’t mean to hurt or reject them? How to honor your own boundaries while allowing other people’s desires and wishes?

These are the type of questions Chris grapples with.

Sorry, I feel that I should interject here that this whole business of talking about me in the third person, I’m uncomfortable with it. I worry that it makes me seem either conceited, or deluded, like I think I’m so special that I get to “channel” this magical voice from the either that talks such wisdom.

Maybe I feel like interjecting this little bit of insecurity just so that readers know that, yes, I am just a normal guy here, and while I don’t mind writing this way on my own, when I’m writing down a blog post that I’m sharing with the world, it just seems a bit weird, if you know what I mean.

Surely, Chris. You are afraid of people thinking you are weird. You are afraid of them judging you. It is exactly what we are talking about here.

Ha. You are too smart. I said my peace. You may continue.

Thank you. We really are about to wrap this up. The point has been made. People are creators of their own experience. The visions they had as children shapes who they are. Yes, even when they were playing with toys, that is a powerful time to form their identity!

Now, as adults, they may struggle with guilt over their choices. Sometimes, they really are happy with who they are, but they feel guilty for feeling this way, because they think they should be something different. You feel some of this, Chris. Other times, they know that they have betrayed themselves to please another, yet they think that what they are doing is serving a higher purpose, when usually all it is serving is making them a martyr or victim. They will learn in time.

That sounds really unfair and harsh. I thought there was nothing wrong with any choice that people make?

This is true! There is nothing wrong with any choice anybody ever makes. Yet the real purpose of all bondage is to learn freedom. The purpose of all struggle is to learn mastery and peace. The purpose of all pain is to learn the Art of Joy. So the purpose of all your choices, even the ones that don’t align with your highest self, the choices that are “not what you want,” they serve you, because eventually you will learn from that experience the choice that you really wanted to make, and you will finally make that choice. And then you will know happiness.

Hmm, okay, that makes sense.

So there really is nothing wrong with any choice that anybody ever makes. There are only consequences to your choices. Some choices bring great love and joy, great satisfaction, growth, and freedom. Some do not. You will learn from the consequences of the choices you make.

Yes, that makes sense. My my my, you really have covered a lot of area here. What’s the main take away? That we should recognize the power of children to create their reality? That we should be more like them, and allow ourselves to play make believe? That we should be kind to ourselves and learn to accept and love our own choices? Or that we should stand in front of a mirror, do a full self-analysis, and decide the areas that we aren’t happy and change them?

Any and none of these. All are fine. The purpose is to raise the questions. Who are you? What do you want? Are you happy with who you are? If your child self was looking at you now, what would he or she think? These are merely good questions to ask yourself.

Yikes. It just seems like it could be pretty upsetting if people don’t like the answers they come up with.

This often happens anyway. People know the truth deep down, even if they don’t like to face it. This blog is about a search for truth, is it not? So, if people do not want to search for their own truth, they won’t be reading this anyway.

The right people will appreciate it.

Okay that makes sense. Oh great know-it-all voice from within. Sorry, I guess I’m feeling a little bit sarcastic tonight. But still, I appreciate this insight. Thank you very much!

You are welcome, Chris. And there is nothing wrong with sarcasm–though maybe it’s not really sarcasm, maybe it’s just covering over the fact that you are little bit scared of having this conversation, you think? 🙂

I can’t hide anything from you, can I? Maybe just a little, but I have done this a time or two before on this blog. Thanks again!

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