As a child, I had a cat named Merlin. She was my first love.
Merlin was getting old. I don’t remember exactly how it started, maybe I heard my mom talk about how Merlin was overweight and unhealthy. And so, being the helpful kid that I was, I decided I was going to do something to help Merlin overcome this problem.
Thus began my career as cat workout trainer. I was a very hands on workout trainer. Literally. You see, I made up my mind that Merlin needed to exercise. We had a white couch in the living room that had two pieces, which when arranged together formed an “L” as couches often do. The rim along the back, next to which the pillows sat, was flat, because under the fabric were horizontal wood beams. It made a perfect track of sorts for my cat workout training activities, or so I decided. So I took Merlin, held her by the back standing on the back of the couch, and proceeded to “run her” back and forth along it. I reasoned that by getting exercise, she would get thinner and then live longer. It all made sense in my childhood brain.
Merlin was NOT digging this. Sure, she did move back and forth under my coercive touch. Yet I quickly realized the fantasy I had of her magically shedding the weight and maybe even purring at me with appreciation was not about to materialize. To be fair to Merlin, she was quite nice about it, if reluctantly so, and never hissed or scratched at me as I recall.
However, my first and only client (and not by her choice) as a cat workout trainer was indeed NOT working out. Merlin continued to get old, probably stayed fat, and then died. I was very heartbroken to lose her. I realized even then the impracticality of believing that I could keep her healthy. Sure, it had been worth a shot, yet forcing her to exercise had bombed like a sunken ship.
That was my first lesson in seeing that other beings, even cats (especially cats?), do not like you deciding their life priorities for them. I have often thought of that incident over the years. Many times, I have had to stop and examine myself in the midst of trying to “help” others. Especially with people in my family, I have had to shed the desire to tell them what they need to do. People are where they are, they are not where they are not. Who am I to tell them what is right for them? I am still trying to figure out what is right for myself, how can I be sure I know what they need? All I can do is listen to them and be available, if and when they ask for my advice. Trying to interfere with other people’s process is as useless as trying to get a cat to exercise by running them back and forth along a couch. And I know from first-hand experience!
It can be a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes the best gift we can give someone else is to leave them be, and love them as they are. For this reason, I have never since tried to run a cat along the back of a couch.
Promise 🙂