In the past couple of months I have embraced some important things about myself, namely:
- I am highly-sensitive. This means that I am very sensitive to stimuli (especially noise) and interactions with others (especially anything intense, whether in a positive or negative way). I tend not to take criticism well, and I can get embarrassed easily, which can make me more cautious about social interactions, especially with people I don’t consider “safe” (ie people who are unpredictable or unusually confrontational).
- I am an introvert. This means, by and large, I re-energize best when I am by myself. I love people, and can often be quite extroverted. In fact, I excel in situations where extroverts typically thrive, such as performing, teaching, and speaking. Yet I often get tired after interactions with people and need time to myself to re-charge. (Note: this doesn’t seem to happen when I am teaching piano or, for instance, with my Bogleheads investment-discussion group. These are structured activities with a start and end time of a few hours at most, which tends to be easier for me to deal with. Also, with teaching I benefit from being on my own turf and calling the shots.).
- I can easily get overwhelmed by the world. My solution to this has usually been to withdraw. This happens equally with “good” things or “bad” things. For instance, after a great show with an audience that loves me, I probably will need to be by myself (preferably in a dark room) afterward and re-charge, perhaps watching a movie. If the experience is especially intense, I have been known to retreat into my shell for weeks, months, or even longer.
These insights are useful in understanding my past behavior as well as in guiding me forward. Up until very recently, I judged myself for my highly-sensitive tendencies. I idealized the behavior of the supposedly “cooler” extroverts and used this to torture myself. Now that I instead embrace myself as I am, I am focused on finding an optimal balance between the need for solitude and the desire to engage with the world.
Things are looking up!