Being alive, being human, can be such a strange, fluctuating experience. Like a radio antenna that sometimes gets a clear signal, sometimes doesn’t seem to be getting anything, my signal fluctuates. Sometimes, I admit it, it sucks… at least initially. I do not like feeling disconnected! At those times, I soothe myself as best I can. I am getting better at this. As a result, I am quicker to pinpoint the problem, change the subject, or distract myself to get into a better place. Or I take a nap.
It doesn’t make the negative-feeling moments easy, yet I do feel like I am better at bouncing back, minimizing bad moods by not talking about them or refocusing, and focusing instead on the positive.
Perhaps the biggest source of soothing is that I am learning to love myself unconditionally. The breakthrough has been ongoing. I really started to feel it over the past year. I had a breakthrough in the idea of “I am where I am,” which gave me a profound sense of accepting myself, of releasing selfjudgment. I let go of “shoulding” on myself (“You should be this! Why aren’t you that?”) and just let myself be where I was at.
Since then, I have added helpful phrases, such as “soothing is solving” and “I’m still worthy.” This last one is a CG special. My wife asked me what it meant a few days ago. I tried to explain: “There was a rotten story I told myself for decades…I’m only now getting a handle on it!”
I’ve begun attaching the phrase “… I’m still worthy” to my inner monologue. For instance, it might be like this: “I know I’m pretty stressed out right now, and it sucks… but I’m still worthy!” The relief is palpable, and I instantly relax:
- “I know I’m a little jealous of that guy over there and criticizing myself about it… but I’m still worthy!”
- “Wow, I’m in this social situation feeling really lame…but I’m still worthy!”
- “No, I didn’t accomplish [such and such].. and I’m still worthy.”
- “Yes, I was mean to myself… and I’m still worthy.”
The “still worthy” addendum is like a soothing tonic. It’s like remembering to laugh at a joke. It fosters a lightness of being: “Of course I’m worthy… of all good things! I always have been worthy, and I always will be!”
It feels great to be getting better at self-soothing. I highly recommend it for anyone’s happiness journey.