I don’t know how you are, but sometimes I take a long time to think things through. Especially when it comes to daily situations, and business situations or important situations involving other people, I probably take more time than the average person to get myself mentally prepared, or to get clear on what I want and take action. Sometimes, this is a drag, as it seems that I just don’t always come to clarity with ease. Often times, writing helps, because I get to see my own thoughts and figure out what I think of something.
A case in point: I was once preparing to leave a certain volunteer commitment, and I took probably six to nine months thinking it through before making the decision to do so. Another time, I was in a band that I wanted to leave, and I probably took about six months from when I started thinking I wanted to go before actually doing it.
Even when it comes to calling people back, or responding to gig requests or calls from new students, sometimes it seems I just move slowly. Sometimes I wish I was more spontaneous, but it seems that I just need to take my time, It seems that merely interacting with someone new, I have to get myself mentally prepared. This often is not automatic or instantaneous.
Maybe it’s my highly sensitive nature. I tend not to process situations quickly. I’m generally reluctant to leave things or people behind, because I care about other people and want to handle things with integrity, kindness, and sensitivity. That also means, I tend to be thoughtful before entering into something new, as well.
The other side of the coin with this is that, in the past I would put up with things that I didn’t enjoy, because I was reluctant to make changes in my life. Then I would wait these experiences out, eager for them to end. I am no longer interested in that approach, as it seems one can waste a lot of time putting up with things that suck! That is a price I’m no longer willing to pay. I’d rather be flexible and let myself change my mind. Or even better, not say YES in the first place unless it’s really a good fit!
And yet, it just seems that I tend to be very careful about the choices I make. I am fairly certain this cautious, deliberate approach hasn’t always helped me in my music career. If I were a bit more spontaneous, a bit more adventurous, and even a bit more trusting, it would probably help my career as a performer. I have done my best to juggle my desire for variety and adventure with my cautious, deliberate side. That side just doesn’t seem to be about to go away anytime soon, so I am officially accepting it as of right now. It’s part of who I am!
Recently it has felt good to accept who I am and how I am. It seems to take the pressure off. I’m not likely to change in some fundamental ways. I’m the guy who pores over my money spreadsheets, going over every detail on a regular basis. Is that kind of mentality bad for business? Probably sometimes.
But I still think I’m pretty cool.
Cool is an understatement, you are awesome, Chris! Love, Dad
I appreciate that, Dad!