Hi there! Right now it is almost 2pm on Monday, Memorial Day. My computer is set up in the front room where I teach (this is my first time writing a blog post from out here). I am happy to say that today I have taken full advantage of the “holiday” aspect of today being Memorial Day… I had a very relaxing run in the morning, where I greatly enjoyed the empty streets of Sacramento (hardly saw a single moving car!). It was early, it was cool, and it was blessedly peaceful! Another benefit of this “day of rest” is that I guess it is giving me the sense of mental freedom to write this post.
Meanwhile, as far as writing, I am back at my usual shenanigans, where I start typing without a conscious plan of what the heck I am going to be writing about (Is this a bad idea? Probably). But I knew it was time to write a blog post, and so I put finger to typing keyboard and began (by the way, incidentally, this keyboard I am typing on is sitting ON a piano keyboard, and next to a very SMALL piano keyboard… so there are literally 3 keyboards within fingers’ reach! see pic below)
I would like to reflect a bit on this blog, since it is has nearly been two months since I began. So far, it has largely been a good experience. I have found much freedom and joy in expressing myself here: it has allowed me to talk about some things I never let myself talk about otherwise. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried… I’ve looked like a complete and total idiot. There’s something very liberating for me about this. It’s like a virtual Declaration of Independence from the tyranny of the thought police in my mind. With each post it’s like I brandish my sword and yell out to them, “Ha ha! I got you this time, suckaz!” as I make my escape.
I have to admit, it is slightly weird being out here in the front of the house as I write this. I’m used to the solitary aspects of my cave in the back. Something about it helped me access the kind of raw truth-telling that has been so much fun about this blog. Nonetheless, I wanted to write this post here anyway just to see if it is a viable option as a location for future blog posts (and because sometimes it may be more convenient to have the computer out here instead of in the back). Hopefully, I will write something stupid and/or embarrassing in this post that will give it the Seal of Chris’ Blog Embarrassment Authenticity!
Anyway, this blog has felt a bit different to me since my last post, where for the first time I wasn’t just writing about myself the whole time. That post seemed to be sort of a nice change to write, and was well received. Since then, I have been thinking to myself, “Chris, you should do more posts like that post about Elizabeth Gilbert’s book. Because it’s not so self-absorbed, just you thinking about yourself. You got the most Facebook likes when you shared that post. People probably don’t like these other posts as much anyway.”
Admittedly there was something nice about that post. Perhaps it is my best post so far (?). Maybe I’ll do more like it in the future. A memory of my dad telling me my rap lyrics were “solipsistic”* comes to mind (I didn’t even know what that word meant, but it haunts me to this day–see definition in footnote). Am I being solipsistic with these blog posts, as well? Is this just the self-absorbed rantings of a narcissist or egoist? (Probably).
On the other hand, I have to remind myself that at the end of the day, this is my fucking blog, and I get to write whatever the hell I want. That’s what makes it so cool to me! Hopefully someone else things so as well. (By the way, a friend on Facebook did just tell me he likes my blog. I think it kinda gave me the encouragement I guess I needed to sit down at write this.)
Anyway, I don’t pretend not to be self-absorbed. I have heard it said that we all are. I mean, going back to my first post, I basically laid it down that I was gonna rule this roost, I was gonna do it my own way. I’m learning what that way is as I go. I don’t promise to make this blog appropriate, or likable, or even good… though of course I hope to accomplish something good out of it.
I’m hoping that readers of this blog will be able to smile to themselves, because hopefully they will be able to relate to the indulgence…. ?? I have no idea if that is happening, but if it is, great. Otherwise, all I can really do is just keep going. This is my little experiment… this happiness obsession.
And speaking of happiness, at the end of the day, all you have is you. All I have is me. So I need to just trust myself and do what feels right for me.
So carry on, Motherfucker!
(This concludes today’s illustrious post. You may now go on with your life. And by the way… Happy Memorial Day.)
*The Urban dictionary defines solipsism as follows:
The belief that the person holding the belief is the only real thing in the universe. All other persons and things are merely ornaments or impediments to his happiness.Rene Descartes proved his existance by saying ” I think, therefore I am.”
(cogito- ergo, sum) The solipsist prefers ” cogito ergo omnia sum”
-I think therefore, I am everything!