I have a piano student, teenager, who is made to be a performer. He is always working on a performance project, whether be it a play, a dance performance, recording songs, or all three at the same time. He is continually traveling for workshops and opportunities. I always admire his energy for taking on so much.
I am not wired like he is. Until recently I probably would have judged myself for this. Nowadays I am more self-accepting. Last year I started looking at myself from the view point of being highly sensitive. A consistent theme emerged as I thought back in time: again and again, I got overwhelmed or burnt out in situations involving groups of people. Again and again, not knowing what was going on or accepting myself, I judged myself for it.
My wife and I have been reading through a book (mainly for my sake) called “Highly sensitive People in an Insensitive World.” The book explains being highly-sensitive in detail. I resonate with much of it. Here’s some thoughts from the first chapter:
It has been estimated that one in every five people is highly sensitive…
The trait has also been called inhibited, anxious or shy. Words like tense only describe how the trait appears to others when the highly sensitive person feels unsupported and unsafe…
We receive more inputs and think deeply about them
Highly sensitive people have a very delicate nervous system. We register more nuances, and overall the inputs we receive go deeper in our system. We have a great imagination and lively inner world, which means that the inputs and impressions we receive from the outside can trigger a multitude of concepts, associations and thoughts. In this way our ‘hard drive’ is quickly filled and we will feel over-stimulated.
“Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive World,” by Ilse Sand, pp. 16-7
This is pretty much right on the nose. A little goes a long way for me. A big outing could be going to Macy’s. I can quickly get over-stimulated in loud or busy situations. Sure, I can hold my own when I need to. But at some point, I wanna cry Uncle and get out of there. As I wrote last year, “After awhile, I’m like Cinderella, and have to flee the ball or else risk being turned into a pumpkin!“
Even if things don’t get that dire, I don’t typically feel a strong need to be around people. Or maybe I’m satisfied with the amount of interaction I do have. For instance, some Saturday mornings I’ve been going to the cafe followed by the gym. For these two activities I am essentially by myself, though there is typically some light socializing with the people who work there or with other people I know. I appreciate the social vibe in both places. Yet it’s hardly a lot of interaction. Nonetheless, I notice afterward I am happy to go home and chill. Alone.
Clarity is sweet.