Something occurred to me this morning as I was writing at the cafe.*
I was thinking about relationships.
I’m using “relationships” broadly to mean relations with anyone… it could be family, friends, romantic partners, groups, organizations, clients, fans, etc. It could even be jobs or gigs… after all, those start and end with interacting with someone (even if online) offering money in exchange for a product or service. All money-related activities are based in relationships.
I realized that all my relationships are about me. As in, at the end of the day, what matters to me is how I feel about them. It reminds me of something I heard in some sales training long ago: “Everyone is listening to the same station: WIFM!” In other words, we all wanna know “What’s in it for me?”
Sure, there’s a giving component in our relationships. We want to give, right? But who do we want to give to? Don’t we want to give to those we get something we value from? I have had relationships where I gave and gave and did not feel I was getting back enough that was valuable to me. Those relationships did not last.
Abraham-Hicks says, “We have to be selfish enough to want to feel good.” You can tell if your relationships are working if you feel good when you think about them. If you are getting any of these things, you are probably on the right track:
- satisfaction
- joy/fun
- inspiration
- camaraderie
- love
- well-being
- peace of mind
- growth or new experience
- sense of purpose
- making a difference
- money that feels good to receive in exchange for your time, goods, or services.
On the other hand, if you aren’t feeling good about a relationship, or if you doubt you are getting anything you truly value from it, you might want to look at that.
What’s in it for you?
Getting any of these things could be a red-flag:
- a sense of obligation
- guilt
- self-doubt
- pain
- dependency
- a sense of denial or kidding yourself
It seems to me that every relationship, whether transitory or lasting, gives us something, be it good-feeling or not. For instance, try analyzing your social activities. You’ll see what I mean. Personally, I like to have conversations about topics I care about. While I am having a conversation, I definitely feel that I am giving. But I am getting, also. I am getting the chance to talk, to be heard, to explore ideas, to contribute to someone else, to hear some new ideas. So there’s something in it me. Otherwise, why would I do it? I tend to like people I have good conversations with. That makes sense, since I get a lot from having good conversations.
And now I will “turn my brain off” and see what my Intuition (ie Higher Self) has to say on the subject of relationships:
Chris, we think it is great that you get clear on the selfish nature of all relationships. Everything serves a purpose in your life. Just as you serve a purpose for everyone in your life. This purpose may be a good-feeling purpose such as friendship, romance or exchanging value for money. It also may be a clarifying purpose, as in a relationship that “goes bad” or doesn’t feel good. Even those relationships serve a purpose by helping you get clear on what you want.
I like it! Thank you.
*This is where many insights have come to me.