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Personal Growth Shenanigans & Ruminations

What are You Under the Influence of?

Do you ever feel like your head can override your best intentions and infuse your conscious mind with nasty negative thinking in a moment’s notice without you even being aware of it? One moment all is well, the next, well… suddenly your thinking is muddled, or your frustrated or confused?

Or is it just me? 🙁

I had the pleasure (haha) of experiencing this today (fortunately not for long). I had just had a nice writing session at the cafe after a nice morning jog. I recorded myself playing some lively piano music and posted it on Facebook. I even reached out online to the author of a book I am reading–and heard back from him! Overall, I was feeling lively, excited, and eager.

All of a sudden, I started feeling uncomfortable. Something was off. I checked in, did a little writing, and guess who showed up? My old friend Mr. Trashman,* spewing his negativity:

<Watch out! You’ll be sorry. You better watch out! Something bad’ll happen.>

He repeated this over and over again like a litany of the pathologically pessimistic, obstinately warning me of impending doom!

It seems kind of silly when I write about it now. But truthfully, with that unwelcome guest mouthing off in my head, I noticed myself feeing doubtful, unsure, and confused. That voice was trying to scare me with negativity and doubt.

Not nice!

In the past, it might have succeeded…

Fortunately I’m wiser now.. I am quicker to see that voice as the sham it is, and to draw out the truth.

Also, I told my wife about it and she said, “That’s not the real you.”

Yes, indeed.

The REAL ME is aligned, infinitely calm, and loving. The real me is joyful and aligned and fun and easy-going; relaxed and light-hearted and confident and happy.

In every moment, it seems we have a choice, whether we realize it or not: we can be influenced by a voice that is full of judgment, full of fear, and full of insecurity. Or, we can tap into something deeper, something lovely and wise and strong.

With awareness and a desire to feel good once again, we can always tune back into a voice that encourages us and knows that all is well.

So what are you under the influence of?

*Mr. Trashman is a character I introduced when I first started this blog. His name suggests his function: to store (or rather, distribute) trash, in the form of negative commentary in my head. Alas, this is something I experience on a fairly regular basis. However, with a little writing (in a notebook or when I’m at the computer) it usually comes to light quickly and I release it. Inevitably, behind the trash talk is fear and resistance.

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