Yesterday’s original rhyme, which we will call “Angry Toad” (though I printed title as “I’ll be the Prince/Angry Toad”), is fairly unique in these posts because, to be blunt, I was mad. In fact, I was livid. The rhyme is about me being exactly that and wanting to calm down. The mood was basically, “I’m totally pissed off, but I know I need to hold my tongue and not say something stupid, so I’m trying to calm down… but I’m really pissed off right now!”
I let the rhyme stay as it was because, first of all, I needed to write a blog post and that was what showed up. There are only 24 hours a day, and each day I have to post something, so I try not to over-think it. Second of all, though in the rhyme I was clearly mad, the topic is nonetheless about choosing self-control in the face of having an anger attack. I think this is a redeeming thing.
I learned from Eminem many years ago the redemptive power of converting your frustration and anger into clever rhymes. I was definitely channeling this skill yesterday. Like any piece of art, it was meant to capture one moment in the artist’s life. It is not the end-all be-all of who I am. Because it was done artistically–in a manner where the artist was attempting to deal with his own struggling mindset–I think it has merit.
I admit, I’ve always been a bit conflicted about sharing words of anger. It tends not to be an easy thing to do for me, especially since I decided early on in life that it was better to stuff my own feelings. I saw some angry people around me at the time, and I did not think them acting out served anyone else. I definitely did not want to be that way myself.
At the same time, stuffing one’s feelings can be equally problematic! The value of writing is that I get to express whatever is going on inside of me, whether positive or negative. Of course, in this blog, I aim to lift my thoughts up before writing. I aim to come from a constructive, positive mindset when I write these posts.
One reason in particular that I wanted to share yesterday’s post was that I recognized the power in my expression, the passion in my expression. It wasn’t just anger. In the past I might have wanted to suppress it because it was “too angry.” But last night I thought to myself, “This is actually pretty potent stuff. And it’s not really too angry. I don’t think it will turn people off.” So I used it.
To me this is sort of a big deal (though I am only now thinking of it). It seems I am slowly letting go of further layers of self-censorship I might have put on myself in the past. A few days ago I shared some things about myself I hadn’t shared. This was a bit scary to do, but it felt good. It felt honest.
So it was with “Angry Toad.” Sure, I own up to it: I was being an angry toad! Happily, that mood soon shifted, and that anger passed.
Angry or no, I’m glad I captured that emotional snapshot in rhyme.