A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
–Emerson
A few months ago I wrote that I wasn’t feeling as motivated to read. Well, we are nearly through the third month of the year, and this pattern has continued.
Allow me to clarify: I read all the time. The reading I’m talking about above is where I took a book (particularly a non-fiction book), started reading it (often every weekday morning), and then finished said book. Then I logged it in my reading log, and at the end of the year had an impressive list (at least, to me) of 25-35 books I had finished.
I did this faithfully for four years.
This year, I have utterly ignored my weekday morning reading ritual. In fact, I have recorded a mere two books as complete in my reading log for 2019. Two books… both novels!
Believe me, the hobgoblin in my little mind is shrieking at my “foolish inconsistency.” My mind generally prefers me to follow routine, and my mind has a very strong opinion that it is “better” to be reading books, and that it is better to be adding to my reading list regularly, than not to be. It has the judgment that I’m “not being as productive” as I was when I was reading every weekday morning.
And yet, like I wrote back in January, something about that ritual was no longer satisfying me. Taking a breather from it seems to be helping. For one thing, in the past few months I have gone to the cafe to write with much greater frequency. Often, I have gone in the mornings. Not having morning reading to do has opened up space for this.
On a more mental level, I just don’t think I have as much interest right now in reading books just to read them. For four years, I used discipline to read a lot of books that otherwise wouldn’t have gotten read. I read biographies, financial books, and classic and respected works of literature. I am totally grateful for this period of time. I am totally grateful for the empowerment of knowing that, as an adult who isn’t in a class or something, I can make reading a priority of my own volition.
I don’t think anything has changed on that account. I still value reading. In fact, I am currently “in the middle” of several books. Admittedly, they are all law of attraction or spiritual type books, most of which I have already read. I study them over again because they have ideas that I am still working mastering. Right now I am especially enjoying the following:
- Ask and it is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
- The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, by Deepak Chopra.
- Three Magic Words, by Uell S. Andersen
What seems to have changed is that I am no longer so concerned about “getting to the end” of the books as I was. Last year I admit that imperative started getting tiresome. Nowadays, it seems I am more interested in gaining the wisdom I seek. I am more likely to want to open up a book and read a page or two, or take in a few pages at a time, without concern about “getting it done.” So I keep the titles above with me when I write, and I keep them next to my bed, and I continually open them up at random for inspiration and to soak in the ideas.
Similarly, regarding money, for example, I am less interested in reading new ideas about the topic, and more interested in mastering my relationship with the stuff! I guess I’m saying that I’m more interested in taking care of the guy who is doing the reading than in merely doing the reading to say that I’ve done it!
Put another way, it seems that I’m less interested in taking in a lot of ideas from other people, unless those match the inner work that I am currently doing. Otherwise, I’m more interested in simply doing the inner work, which I have been accomplishing through writing.
So the impressive reading list may just have to wait.
I’m practicing being okay with that. No matter what the hobgoblin in my little mind says. 😉