Sometimes the search for happiness can seem like a long journey, that “long and winding road” the Beatles sang about, a continual unfolding experience with a moving target for a destination. For me these days, happiness has come to mean the mastery of my own thinking. More and more, I am interested in examining my own thoughts and choosing those thoughts that feel good (surprise, surprise, since that’s all I seem to write about!).
The funny thing about thoughts, though, is that, I find that one can’t simply just have all “good” thoughts. Try as I might, there are those situations where the not-so-good thoughts start to gain sway, or even take over, potentially sending the entire situation sideways for awhile. It can get very uncomfortable, and even add extra frustration if you are like me, and are prone to judging yourself for not having “better control” of things.
Yet what I’m learning about our thoughts is, no matter how much consciousness we bring to the here and now, consciously focusing on satisfying and good-feeling thoughts, past thoughts continue to operate in us. There are years and years of old thought habits that can be easily triggered. The effect of these habits may not all feel good.
For me, sometimes those negative thoughts just start spinning out of control. The end result in my mind is not pleasant! In the past few weeks, I have been practicing forgiving myself, and letting go of guilt that has sometimes come up when I got upset. I realize that I am a work in progress.
The Journey to Happiness is not a one-time event! I am learning and growing. Along the way there will be triumphs, stumbles, discoveries, breakdowns, and breakthroughs. The road to mental mastery is paved with many experiences of LACK of mastery. It’s like they say, “Every Master was once a Disaster!”
I am learning to be okay with this. I am learning to lighten up, to go easier on myself at times when maybe I don’t feel like I’m in charge of my own thinking, those times when it feels like a snowball is headed down the hill, gathering momentum, and aimed straight for my vulnerable little wooden shed. Don’t knock it over, it’s all I have!
Yet somehow I end up being more resilient than that. And even if an experience doesn’t go so well, I usually learn something from it. And I pick myself back up, move on to the next day, and re-commit to learning and growth that I value.
Lovely to read. Comforting too. It’s about accepting ourselves, isn’t it? Thank you!