I was surprised one day at the grocery store last year to discover a little book called “Conquer Your Negative Thoughts,” by Daniel Amen. This book concisely shares powerful exercises and suggestions that can help people manage their thinking. It is not much bigger than my phone and is an easy read at one hundred and sixty pages (including notes). Using this book has changed my life.
In the book, Amen labels different types of negative thoughts. He calls these “ANTs,” or Automatic Negative Thoughts, giving them names based on their particular insidiousness. For instance, there are All-or-nothing ANTs (“I’ll never be good at sports” or “I always mess up when I play piano”) and Blaming ANTs (“I’m not good enough, ” or “I’m not smart enough”).
He suggests a simple process for neutralizing these puppies, as follows:
- List the ANT
- List the ANT Type/s
- Ask yourself these five questions:
- Is it true?
- Is it absolutely true with 100% certainty?
- How do I feel when I believe this thought?
- How would I feel if I couldn’t have this thought?
- What is the exact opposite thought? Is there any evidence that this is true?
It’s a simple formula, and Amen suggests the reader use it to challenge their 100 worst thoughts. I did it many months ago and have since used this exercise hundreds of times to great personal benefit.
So let’s see it in action. Yesterday I wrote about overcoming perfectionism about sales and marketing. The challenge comes down to negative, fearful thoughts such as these beautiful gems:
- “You gotta get it perfect or you will look like an idiot or offend people.”
- “You better watch out that you don’t look greedy.”
- “If you don’t do this right, you’ll be sorry!”
Each of these is a pesky ANT designed to discourage or confuse me. Screw that! Let’s neutralize one of them by going through the process:
- List the ANT “You gotta be perfect or you will look like an idiot and offend people.”
- ANT Type/s: guilt-beating, just-the-bad, fortune-telling, all-or-nothing, mind-reading
- Ask yourself these five questions:
- Is it true? Not at all. This is a pessimistic distortion that speaks in all-or-nothing terms as if it knows everything.
- Is it absolutely true with 100% certainty? Not at all.
- How do I feel when I believe this thought? Confused, doubting, unsure, uncomfortable, a bit overwhelmed, frustrated, scared thinking I have to be perfect to avoid conflict.
- How would I feel if I couldn’t have this thought? I would feel more free, I would feel like I have permission to try things out, and not have to be perfect.
- What is the exact opposite thought? I get to try things out and live fully. I am free. Is there any evidence that this is true? You bet!
Voila! Even doing this process right now, I feel lighter and more free. It is amazing how much of a difference asking a few questions can make it releasing old negative thinking.
Now you try it! Let me know how it goes 😃