Tonight I got to return to the Comedy Spot for another “You! the Musical Show,” where we all make up a musical in response to the audience’s suggestions. Of course, we being sheltered-in-place, the show was created and broadcast online via Zoom.
All that might not have been notable, but here’s the cool part…I got to sing and be a part of the fun 
. Sure, the music we used were my piano tracks, so I was still getting my usual “job” done. Yet I didn’t play a note on the piano (even when I sang!), due to the issues of sound quality on Zoom!
Instead, I got to be a singer! I got to use my voice! I got to do musical playtime… online!
Don’t get me wrong: I love playing piano. Yet with these folks, my real desire is to sing and improvise on stage. To me, this is a fun gig–or it is supposed to be. The fact is, I already know I’m a great piano player. I don’t need to “become” that. How does this help me? What does it give me? I want to expand, expand! Tonight, being “one of the cast,” and talking and singing with them was a lot more thrilling!
It’s all a question of personal satisfaction. Writing this blog is satisfying. Running is satisfying. Reading is satisfying. Investing and money management, for that matter, are satisfying!
I admit, it is kind of hard for me to talk about this. Somewhere as a child I got the message that it’s better to “be nice,” and “not be a jerk.” That strategy sucked then, and it sucks now. Better to be satisfied and say my truth.
And now a few words for my Inner Being:
Chris, you are doing so well. You are going through a normal process, you are “coming into your own,” and you are honoring what feels good for you, and what doesn’t… doesn’t belong! And you are doing what you can to be fair and nice, but really, you should be selfish enough and care enough about how you feel to be honest. Why hold back from saying your truth?
We recognize that it is not always easy to shed old behaviors, no matter how little they ever served you. And this one never has. Repeatedly, you have “acted nice” and paid the price of it, it has never worked for you, has it? has it ever satisfied you?
Yes, thank you. because now these people are becoming my friends. That is really cool, and I care about them. Yet I need to be honest, otherwise this won’t be satisfying, and it will not work, like so many other times.
This time I’m ready to be “selfish enough to care how I feel,” as Abraham-Hicks puts it.
This time I’m ready to get the lesson