There comes a time in a person’s journey when they learn that in order to be happy they have to embrace who they are no matter what others may think. There comes a time when you can no longer avoid the fact that trying to please others at your own expense does not work, when, instead, you realize that you are living this life to please yourself. In fact, this is the only way to ensure that you will “get” what you want in life. After all, other people generally have no clue what you really want. They may not actually even know a thing about you. Instead, they interact with the outer appearance of you, mixed with a hearty dose of who they want you to be for their own reasons.
I am not talking about indulgent hedonism, narcissism, or lack of regard for other people. It is not that we do not care about them or what they think. In fact, it is the exact opposite. Of course we care what they think! If we didn’t, we wouldn’t have spent so many years trying to please them! I am talking about gaining a mature knowledge of human nature. Other people are just as self-oriented as we are…. it is just that they are oriented to themselves. We do not understand what is inside of them any better than they understand what is inside us. In fact, it is up to each individual to listen to themselves, to tune into their own desires, to follow their own clues , and walk their own, singular journey of life. We can’t walk it for them.
In the same way, we need to walk our own path, and we need to define what that path is, where we want it to go, and make course-corrections along the way to make sure we are taking the path intended for us. No one else has the guidance system we have!
You can tell you are on your proper path when you are enjoying yourself, when you are enthusiastic, when you love what you are doing and who you are.
Personally, I struggled for so long with my own fears of criticism from others as well as my own self-judgment from within. I became a master of self-torment, and in the process I limited who I was willing to be, and I limited how good my life could be. What grew in me as a result of this was an intense burning desire for knowledge, clarity, and wisdom on this subject. I became obsessed with finding Alignment. The confusion has actually been a wonderful tool for my self-empowerment.
No matter how much you skirt the truth, ducking, dodging, or avoiding it, one day, in this lifetime, or another, you will have to face the reality that you need to be responsible for your own happiness. Furthermore, you must do the job of honoring your own happiness. You have your own thoughts and desires and feelings and perceptions and preferences and only you can know what they are, and only you have the power to attract those things to you.
No one else can do it for you.
Once you have found that You that is true, that is satisfying, that is authentic on a deep level, it will steer you correctly in the direction of true satisfaction and fulfillment. And as long as you align with that You, you’ll be giving up your addiction to that ephemeral, fickle thing called approval-seeking from others. Sure, in the process, you may look weird to others. They may not get it. But why should you need them to? Is it really their changeable favor that you seek? Is that really so satisfying? Couldn’t there be something more?
Why not approve of yourself? Why not live in a way that you think is awesome? Why not be pleased with your own behavior, your own integrity, your own standards and preferences, and your own ability to achieve what you want in life? Fortunately, these things are all within your power. They don’t come from someone else.
When we go to sleep at night, we are all alone with ourselves. I think it’s important to like that person. Live in a way that you are proud of, be who you want to be, and then you will have a justifiably high opinion of yourself because you live congruently with what really matters to you.