Today I am thinking about how hard I used to make things for myself.
I used to be so effort-ful about some things, trying so hard to make things happen. I was actually usually just really frustrated, and I was resisting. It’s like I was going into the party with this negative attitude–“the party’ll suck! I can’t do it!”–but forcing myself to do it anyway, despite that fear, which was in the background, making me not relaxed, not easy-going, and therefore I didn’t have as much fun, was always distracted by my own head, instead of enjoying the moment. “This is no fun!” I protested. But then: “No! you will stick it out!” and So I forced myself, and it was no fun, and I grumbled, but then tried to ignore it, thinking it would “pay off,” it will get better, even though it was no fun…
And so on and so on. A constant rigamarole of discomfort and stress. What I have learned to call “lack of alignment!” It certainly wasn’t satisfying, but I wasn’t asking myself in those days if things were satisfying. I guess I believed that I had no choice.
Yet I do have a choice.
But there I was, making things harder than they had to be.
My thinking wasn’t letting me just relax and enjoy the party. š
Chris, this is so great to evaluate how you think and see the amazing progress that has occurred. Do you see how much of a shift this is? It is a complete 180 degree change! Excellent!
Yes, I see how much of a change it is. Things are definitely more enjoyable when one is easy about things, one doesn’t try so hard, one just lets the fun occur naturally.
Life can be, after all, like a fun party. You can let it unfold and enjoy the process. It feels good to know this now.