Tick-tick-tick: the clock in the front room where I type. Click-click-click-click-click: the keyboard in machine-gun fashion as words appear on the page. Whoooooo: a car as it passes out on the street.
Simple sounds of the moment. My stomach is well-fed and I still feel and taste the celery in my teeth. My mind is spinning with thoughts that are vaguely uncomfortable, yet I try to let them be without reacting to them. Outside I hear what sounds like two teenagers talking to each other from either across the street or down the block.
The light from the sun still comes in, collaborating with the ceiling chandelier and the lamp to light the room. 6:40pm on my computer. A car ignition turns on.
I scratch my cheek out of reflex. The scratchy texture of a half-day since i shaved.
I am aware of the moment. I pay attention to the moment. I am reminded of it, and it feels kind of odd, because it has always been there. Yet how much do I actually pay attention to it? How often am I instead paying attention to my thoughts? My thoughts are not the present moment. Sure, they may be happening in the present moment, but paying attention to thoughts is not the same as “being in the moment.” That’s being in my thoughts.
I take a deep breath with my mouth open, and breathe it out through my nose. Scratch my head with my right hand. Theclick-click-click-click-click of more typing. A part of me wants to run from this. It is eager to escape into non-attention. It is eager to leave this moment!
Yet I persist. I have a job to do. In its own strange way, I know this helps. A blog post “about” nothing. It has its place. What is this present moment like?
My feet rest on the support beam at the base of the keyboard that my computer is propped on. The beam makes a creak as I adjust my feet. In the middle of the beam are the two pedals electronically hooked up to the keyboard.
We have had this keyboard for at least ten years, when I was still living in the Bay and visiting Sacramento to see my then-girlfriend, now-wife of seven years.
I take a deep breath. A man is talking outside. Is there no big revelation coming from this? Probably not. But that is okay.
Even a snapshot of the present moment, however slightly uncomfortable, has its place. 🙂