So I have a few questions.
Why are we here on this earth?
Are we here to do what other people want us to do? Are we here to be what they say we should be? Do they have the key to what it should mean to be human, and should it be our purpose to follow in step with them?
Or, do we have our own purpose, which perhaps nobody else exactly shares, that we need to find in order to be truly happy?
Personally, I am finding great joy these days in following my own uniqueness. The other day, I said “No” to something that wasn’t right for me. I knew that it would be off to say “Yes” to it, and I knew that I didn’t need to be off anymore. I wanted to follow what is real for me. The rest just simply doesn’t belong.
I used to be incredibly self-conscious about being judged. I imagined that disapproval of others was the worst possible outcome in life. I felt so disapproving of myself that I imagined that I couldn’t survive if others disapproved of me. This fear caused me to go to outrageous lengths to try to be perfect so that I would always be above any criticism. Of course, there was one incredible flaw in my thinking: over time, the names and faces of the people I thought I was trying to impress kept changing, yet I did not grow any happier. In fact, I was burning myself out.
Eventually, I started to realize that the nameless “they” that I was trying to win approval from didn’t really exist. At the end of each day, there I was, looking at myself in the mirror, by myself. It began to dawn on me that the only approval I truly needed was my own.
All that time I had been looking in the wrong direction! This new knowledge helped jumpstart an incredible life, one that I am proud to say is a true reflection of who I am. Sure, there are new layers of this onion to strip off in the quest for personal liberation. This blog is helping with that. Yet I am finding more and more that the key to it all is self-acceptance, and self-approval.
The jig is up. The more I learn about myself, the more I realize that it was always and only about my view of myself. That is what always mattered. These days, I walk a little taller, and sit a little more comfortably in my own skin. I still have to deal with my own head, which sometimes feeds me ugly thoughts. It isn’t always pretty. Yet I always look to the source. My own brain, my own thinking, my own attitudes and perceptions.
I have gathered together many tools that I can turn to when I need them. Tools that help me get present, clear my mind, and get back to my Source.
I feel like I’ve found the Holy Grail of Empowerment.