In yesterday’s post, I wrote about how fired up I was after seeing “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Today that inspiration is still very much with me, as I think about my own musical career to date. In the past, I spent a long time working on my own songs, recording and planning to finish and put out albums. I have some successes along that path, but numerous aborted projects that have pained me for years.
Today I was thinking in particular of a recording project I abandoned several years ago after a bad experience working with someone else. I was reminded of how hard I was on myself after this experience, how much I blamed myself, and essentially how much I lost sight of how good I am at what I do. In my own self-imposed suffering, I was blinded by negative emotions of doubt and shame.
This blog has been great for me, because I really see that I am flexing the “self-acceptance” muscles more than ever. It is giving me the chance to let go of those old insecurities and grow in confidence. As I have written numerous times here, the daily confessional assembly line of this 365 Day Blogging Project, plus my weekly artist mindset episodes, promote personal liberation and full self-expression 🙂 This stuff is working to give me a greater sense of self-acceptance in sharing my creativity, something I have always dreamed of but that eluded me for years.
When I think back to some of my past creative projects that did not get off the ground, I realize now why. The persona I was going for didn’t really fit me. But I thought I had to be it. Looking at it now, I think I needed to learn to be comfortable with myself and let the creativity start there. I don’t think I was ready to launch back then because I hadn’t fully accepted myself.
This all started to change when I met my wife. At that point, I started writing piano music and songs which I think was more in alignment with the true me. However, I hadn’t fully adopted a new sense of my artistic self, so new ideas were at odds with old ideas. It was as if I was the only one in the room who could not see the truth. Instead of just being the real me in all my work, it seems that some of my artistic pursuits amounted to being fake, trying to measure up to some image that I thought I should be.
My piano music, this blog, and the recent Artist Mindset project, may be the most authentic content I’ve ever put out. When it comes to verbally expressing myself creatively, I’ve never felt so authentic.
I’m starting to see this carry over nicely into my songwriting, and my music career. There is a revolution afoot as I let go of the old shit and embrace a much more well-adjusted, authentic self.
How could it not? Even this blog is just so weird, with so many strange parts to it, that it follows that for me to leave it up, I must be pretty accepting of myself. And so it is true. I am gaining a broader, freer, healthier sense of self by going ahead with this daily project. My self concept is adjusting accordingly, and I like it!