Yesterday I was thinking about a music student whom I worked with earlier in the year. I helped this person in many ways, even going out of my way at times to give them a boost of confidence or show that I cared. I very much admired what this student was up to and how they went for their musical dreams. In fact, I probably felt a bit humbled in the face of seeing this person accomplish their goals with such fire and gusto.
For whatever reason, however, this person stopped their lessons without saying “Goodbye” or “Thank you for the lessons.” Despite all my professional experience working with students, this left me feeling hurt and upset. When I wrote out my thoughts, I realized that there was a part of me that interpreted the situation as if it meant I was less than. As if I was lesser than this student, and somehow needed their validation to feel good about myself. Hence, when I thought they didn’t give it to me, I felt somehow diminished or less than.
I’m not trying to condone the student’s thoughtless behavior. Instead, I’m choosing to look at the pattern within myself and move on. I quickly saw that I had been experiencing this pattern since grade school. So yesterday, as I got clear on it, I immediately felt lighter. In my mind, I saw the strands of this negative self-talk fall away, as if they were cobwebs on boxes of memory. Almost immediately, I felt a new truth: that I was not lesser than anyone ever, and it did not matter what I had done or not done, what I had accomplished or not accomplished. In fact, there was nothing I could ever do or accomplish or be that would ever make me more than anyone else, either. I am, and always had been, no matter what, completely worthy. The more than-lesser than game was a complete hoax.
The jig was up.
Of course, being the type of person I am, I immediately thought about how this new knowledge applies to everyone. We are all completely worthy on a basic human level. No one is any more or less than anyone else. Even the severe drug addict or alcoholic, who might do unspeakable things in the face of their disease, is no lesser of a human being. They may suffer from the negative self talk saying that they are lesser than, but that doesn’t mean it is true.
To me this is a glorious revelation. I am sure I have heard it many times in many different ways, yet words are not enough. One must have direct experience of something before it really takes on meaning.
I am excited by the possibilities for my life, having released this low-lying, mental drivel.
I wish a sense of worthiness and self-approval for you as well, Dear Reader 😉